Case Against Isolation

You are not alone!

It is unwise and unhealthy to live in isolation. I used to be a very shy person and it was difficult for me to socialize with other people. But even though it was a lot easier for me to just be by myself I still felt the need to be with others. My personal survival depends partly on them.

Along the way, we will meet friends as well as foes. There are those who will become significant to us and there are those that are simply short acquaintances. There are those whose names we will remember and those whom we will only throw a smile. There are individuals whom we cannot live without and those whom we can’t even stand remembering. But the truth remains, people need people and it is when we are with them that we are stronger, safer, and happier.

I bet you know how difficult it is at times to be with people. Unlike living by yourself wherein you need not to consider the likes and dislikes of the other, you always have to consider what the others might feel. It takes patience and loads of understanding to live with other people.

Living with other people is a way to allow oneself to grow as a person and as a Christian. It is through this that we develop our interpersonal and relational skills. It can also be an opportunity for you to share whatever gift you have.

Each person has its own characteristics, attitudes, values, likes, dislikes, needs and other traits that could either be appealing to us or otherwise. Sometimes, people of opposite personality blend well with each other but sometimes, they don’t. Sometimes, people with the same personalities get along with each other but, sometimes they don’t. Relationships become fruitful depending not only on the personalities of people but also on how people handle relationships and with it all the characteristics that makes a person, be it good or bad.

Friendship, marriage, family, or social relationships, demand a lot of sacrifices. If we are resolved to the idea that we must live with another, we must consider loads of things that matters in a relationship.

A healthy relationship is one with understanding, acceptance, and charity. In a relationship, we will discover the good and the bad in a person. At first we will only see the good; that is why we started the relationship in the first place. But then, we will also begin to see the bad that triggers the potential hate in us. But this should not be the start of the demise of the relationship. If we see a few incompatibilities, it only proves that you have a healthy relationship because you are now beginning to see more about the other. It is now your responsibility to try to understand and accept.

Differences must not be seen as signs of unhealthy relationships. Rather, we must look at them as opportunities to exercise understanding, acceptance and charity. Instead of treating them as hindrances, we must treat them as essential elements in life. A house, for example, is not a house if it is all walls. The walls, posts, windows, doors, roofs, and floors are different elements that create harmony, beauty, and strength. There is beauty in diversity, we always hear. Life is diversity in harmony.

We need companions in our journey. A companion may be someone who is very close to us. In many cases, someone will just come along the way and crosses our path leading to another acquaintance. This is how we live life, not in isolation but in communion. Not in denial of the other’s existence but of affirmation and acceptance.

God is an ever present companion. Everywhere we go, God is always there. Whatever we do, the good and the bad, He is there. He knows our strength and weaknesses. He loves us continually no matter how many times we turn away from him. He knows what’s good and bad for us more than ourselves. I believe that the most important relationship that we can establish is that of our relationship with God.

It is God who will lead us to happiness if we will only allow him. He can heal our deepest wounds if we will only let him. He will even carry you when you are tired and no longer able to move on if we will only ask for his assistance. What amazes me is that, no matter how good God is as a companion, many still reject him. Many people still do not accept in themselves the reality that we are dependent on him. In short, there is simply no life without the other.

We need God as our companion. We need to accept Him because he is the most understanding companion you could find. No one this world can be as good a companion one can have. We are alone and desperate without Him, we just don’t know yet.

Fr. Melvin Avilla, CRM

About Fr. Melvin Avilla, CRM

Father Melvin Ilagan Avilla, CRM is the son of Filomeno Ocampo Avilla and Anita Gomez Ilagan. He was born on the 18th of June, 1975, and grew up in Bancod, Indang in the province of Cavite, Philippines. He took his Elementary Education in Bancod Elementary School and Indang, Central Elementary School (West) and his Secondary Education at Don Severino Agricultural College (Cavite State University). He began his seminary formation at the Our Lady of the Pillar Formation House in Imus, Cavite as a diocesan seminarian. After four years of Philosophical studies at Christ the King Seminary in Quezon City, he applied for a period of guided regency and worked as a religion teacher/coordinator. After several years of guided regency, he applied to the Order of the Clerics Regular Minor in Ramsey, New Jersey where he remained until he finished his seminary formation. He obtained his Masters Degree in Divinity with a major in Pastoral Ministry at Immaculate Conception School of Theology in Seton Hall University, South Orange, New Jersey. He spent the first half of his pastoral year at Immaculate Conception Parish in Goose Creek, SC. It was July 31, 2004 when he professed his simple vows of chastity poverty and obedience and of not seeking any ecclesiastical dignities within and outside the Order. June 4, 2007, the feast of St. Francis Caracciolo, one of the three founders of the Clerics Regular Minor (Adorno Fathers and Brothers), he professed his solemn vows in front of the people of God. June 23, 2007 he was elevated to the Order of Deacon at the Immaculate Conception Parish in Goose Creek, South Carolina. He was ordained to order of Priesthood on the feast of the Convertion of St. Paul, January 25, 2008 at St. Gregory the Great Parish in Indang, Cavite, Philippines by the Most Reverend Luis Antonio Tagle, D.D.. He currently works as the Vocation Director of the Adorno Fathers in the United States.
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