(Reflections on Clinical Pastoral Education)
It was a very grace-filled opportunity that from this past July to September, I was able to nourish and vivify my life as an Adorno, a Eucharist in action, when I attended and experienced the Clinical-Pastoral Education at Manila Doctors Hospital. This program was very holistic in its design and gave me and the rest of the batch an opportunity to visit patients in the hospital so as to minister to their current spiritual and emotional needs. Through the service that we gave in our ministry as chaplains of the hospital, I had that humbling experience to let them feel the presence of Christ and the Christian community whenever I patiently listened to their various stories of life and the like. The letter of Saint Paul to the Colossians states: “Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his body, which is the church, of which I am a minister in accordance with God’s stewardship given to me to bring to completion for you the word of God, the mystery hidden from ages and from generations past.” (Colossians 1:24-26)
Furthermore, the CPE focuses on the concept of the ‘Living Human Document’ which deals on the study of human experience. Therefore, in the program, we were not just given the time to visit our designated patients but moreover, we let their stories and our conversations with them minister our own selves and this helped us through the group processing. At the end of the day, we actually became the patients and through the help of our peers, we healed and strengthened each other. CPE gave us an opportunity to re-examine ourselves as a person and to look to our blind spots through the lens of each other’s eyes. Through the group processing that was conducted, we let ourselves be vulnerable towards the other, and let the situations transform whatever is needed to be transformed and overcome whatever is needed to be overcome in ourselves and identity as a person.
The Clinical Pastoral Education, being a holistic program as it is, helped me as a person, to rediscover and reconsider my self-worth as a person. I have learned to re-acknowledge my strengths and at the same time to deal with my weaknesses which helped me grow more maturely as a person. Of course, with the help, not only of frequent patient visitations but more especially of my peers’ appreciation and affirmation of my personality, the CPE, somehow, if not totally, boosted my self-confidence, especially with dealing with other persons. Moreover, it helped me to appreciate more the gift of life and it confirmed more effectively my philosophy in life, that is, to look at the brighter side of life.
As a Pastoral Care Giver, The CPE helped me to minister to the emotional and spiritual needs of patients. This especially was a totally new ministry for me. It helped me to be prudent and be more patient toward those people who need pastoral care. I realized that there is more to listening with just the ears, it is moreover with the heart that one can truly listen and minister to one’s pastoral needs. It also helped me to gain more positive outlooks in life, though at the same time still recognizing negativities to learning and growing as a person. I learned to cherish every second and every minute of daily life and to look at the beauty in it, to look at situations always with a silver lining and to be grateful.
As a professed brother, the CPE also influenced my perception of God. As a seminarian, I have always looked at God as someone who is very merciful and compassionate. God “forgives and forgets” and cannot be outdone in generosity. He is a God who loves without conditions and hesitation. And as I journeyed through the CPE, I came to realize that God is someone not contained in lofty theological doctrines nor is He not someone limited to the sacraments and mysteries, but a God who can be touched, can be seen and can be talked to. This occurs through the present moment and through the people we encounter each day. This is how God loves us so much and he does not want to be contained every day in a box-like container. As God has touched us and seen us, we have the responsibility to be God’s envoy to those little ones he considers the least.
As the CPE program came to an end, I can say, that I have stepped out from my comfort zone which for years, have pampered and spoiled me, hindering me to grow and develop as an individual. The CPE taught me that we cannot be the best, but as one of my colleagues would say, we must always learn and strive to be better. This implies to be better in the way that we have done what is enough from our capacity as a person. With that, I am consoled.
The CPE has taught me and helped me re-assess the value of companionship and the importance of our relations towards the other. All that I have done, discovered and acknowledged as a person, I owe to my peers and colleagues who helped me out greatly in the process. I would like to mention most specially my supervisor, Sr. Ludivina Cercado, SOM who pushed me to move forward and to look beyond what lies from behind myself. My peers have seen me broken and they have witnessed how I re-shaped and re-molded myself to be the better version of myself. I have always told them to look at the bright side of life, but moreover, it was because of them that I have learned skills to be positive and optimistic and why I went this far in the CPE journey. More than conforming to the program, my peers were one of the reasons that I was eager to wake up early in the morning, wait for a jeepney under the burning heat of the sun and walk the streets of Kalaw Avenue, Manila with my T-shirt wet with my sweat. Truly, one of my colleagues’ post on Instagram was right: Mas masaya palang lumago kapag may kasama ka. (It is much happier to grow when you have company with you).
Moreover, God has once again touched my life. Amidst all my doubts and reservations, he never failed me, and he has proven that he is always there even though sometimes we cannot feel him. God was present all along this journey, even though implicitly, through the voice of my patients who willingly shared with me their faith journey and their utmost trust to the loving mercy of God. In the midst of their pains and sufferings, they only had God and it is only through God that they found rest. God can be touched, can be seen and can be heard. He is right before us at the present moment, loving us all the way and without reservation.
Lastly, the CPE made me realize that the Eucharist is not just seen or celebrated when we celebrate the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. The Eucharist must continuously be celebrated through the personal oblations and offerings of our lives. We become ‘living human documents’ when we learn to be Eucharist ourselves, imitating what Christ has done for the salvation of many. We are like the bread, that once was as seed was scattered and sown. As wheat, it flourished and was gathered, and we are all called to be broken for the life of the world. And like the wine which once was a vine with grapes, was squeezed dry to make a good drink, we are summoned to die to ourselves and make Christ present in our lives. The CPE made me realized that I am a person that was broken but nevertheless was blessed and consecrated, to be shared to give life to the despondent and downhearted. In every moment of every day, we become a Eucharist in action, Christified through our acts of service and charity. The CPE gave me the grace to reexamine my identity as a simple professed brother of the Clerics Regular Minor, whose life and charism is centered in the living out of our Lord’s Paschal Mystery, which is realized and vivified in the Holy Eucharist.
Indeed, all that has happened and has transpired was all God’s grace.
Br. Harvey Bermudez, CRM